This newsletter, however, has nothing to do with my ex or any man for that matter. In April, I turned 46, wondering how I would spend my birthday. Always with Evan, of course; it’s in my custody agreement to spend my Born Day with the boy I gave birth to. But my b-day weekend was up for grabs!

I decided to celebrate my 46th over dinner with two girlfriends. Usually, I have a gaggle of gals with me, but since I’ve evolved into a more present person I crave something different. Something simpler. Something energetically fulfilling. Now, I can still throw down a shot and drop it like it’s hot. I may be more present and zen than ever before, but I’m still me! 

Then I did that thing that I do when I make a decision that makes me happy even if it won’t make others happy: I questioned if it was selfish to exclude my other local friends. To me, being called selfish used to be as much of a trigger as seeing my ex with that burgundy or navy blue or black cardigan. But I shook it off. Reminding myself that it was my biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirfday so I should celebrate it as I please. At this point, my birthday is the wedding I’ve never had. I won’t be inviting everyone and their momma when I walk down the aisle no matter what Mami says. 

A week later, a (not invited) friend called asking if I had birthday plans. I caved and said yes, inviting her in the process. It wasn’t what I wanted but damn that guilty concious of mine! I would just have to deal with her negative energy despite it being a celebratory occasion. Unless I decided she would cancel somehow. 

It could work, I thought. Because when manifesting the desire is enough if we are confident in the belief that we will get what we want. I thought about that for a few minutes, meditating on all the things - my raise and new job title, romantic relationships, working from home - that I’ve manifested my entire life simply by sticking to my desires.

When I didn’t want to return to work at a high school in Queens after The Rona, I didn’t waver. I had enough money saved to ride it out until I found that perfect work-from-home job. I decided that’s what I wanted and it worked out. I’ve been at my current job for 3 years now. 

When I met my ex-fiance (aka Cardigan Man) I decided I wanted to move in with him. I had just returned to NYC from Los Angeles and was with my mom again. I planned to move in with one of my close guy friends from high school. We began looking for a place in the city a few days before I went on my first date with Cardigan Man. After our first date, I texted my friend and told him I wanted to hold off on the apartment search. He called me immediately and asked why.

Me: I’m moving in with the guy I just went on a date with.

My friend: But you just met him. 

Me: I know. But I’m moving in with him. He’s going to be my man.

My friend: How do you know?

Me: I just know.

My friend thought I was crazy but agreed to find a place for himself. 10 months later, I moved to Long Island with my ex-fiance also known as Cardigan Man. 

I share all this to double down on my previous claim: our desire is enough. When we want something and stick to that decision with conviction, we receive it somehow, somewhere. Our job isn’t to stress how or when our desires will manifest. It’s to hold the knowing that we will receive what we want if we believe.

"And all things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive" - Matthew 21:22

I believed I would have the best birthday and that’s exactly what happened. My friend ended up canceling 5 hours before dinner. She caught a case of food poisoning. I felt bad she didn’t feel well while simultaneously realizing what I’d done: manifested the perfect birthday dinner. 

Lesson here: the desire is enough. I repeat, the desire is enough. 

If you want something, stop stressing or worrying about it. I know, easier said than done. Trust me, I am not that ‘lax about every aspect of my life, but I’m working on it with meditation and journaling. It’s important to find ways to remain present versus dwelling on the past and/or fearing the future and/or overthinking in general.

So, decide. Decide what you want in every area of your life. Write it down. Sit in prayer whether that’s speaking to God, journaling, meditating, or affirming. Acknowledge that you’re fucking powerful. That your mind and thoughts are powerful. That you create your world with your persistent thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions.

Because what you believe you receive. 

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Now here I am, celebrating my 46th trip around the sun. I’m bringing back a tradition that I began in my 20s when I first started writing. Here are some lessons learned in the past year, plus, what I’m excited for in this personal New Year.

Lessons learned at 45…

Joy is a choice. It sounds easy, doesn’t it? To wake up and decide to be joyous. What I’ve learned at 45 years young is that it can be that simple. Instead of focusing on lack or need, I take stock of all that I have right now.

I slip up sometimes. When I feel myself in a state of ungratefulness, especially when getting older as a woman, I try to remember that I am healthy, have the love of friends and family, have an amazing son, a creative mind, a great job, a love of music and words, and so much self-love. Let’s not forget all the fun nights and laughter that I experience regularly. All of these things serve as a reminder that my life is full.

Releasing the past. I am actively meditating to let go of past narratives regarding my father and my self-concept as it relates to men and romantic relationships. Since beginning these practices, I had a profound experience that freed me from childhood abandonment issues. I continue to do the work and, because of it, I feel happier than ever.

God has my back. No matter what is happening in my life, God works things out for me in the most seamless ways. During my toughest times, He continues to reveal the light at the end of the tunnel. This past year God instilled in me an unshakable inner strength, resiliency, conviction, and groundedness that no external circumstance can ever take away. I’ve continued building my relationship with God through journaling (my version of prayer) and attending my local church.

About the single life. I put myself out there a lot more this year. Although it didn’t lead to the loving, healthy, romantic relationship that I desire, I’m proud of myself for trying.

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I’m just a hopeful romantic (and that’s okay). I’ve accepted that believing in unconditional love and romance is just who I am and how I’m built. I’ve tried convincing myself that I should settle for meh since I am getting older as a woman when in reality I know what I deserve and desire: a healthy, romantic, committed relationship that feels like home. One with open communication, emotional intelligence, undeniable chemistry and attraction, deep intimacy, compassion and understanding, and a whole lot of fun.

What’s to come at 46…

Pole dancing classes. I’ve wanted to take pole dancing classes for years but kept putting it off. Swerving, twirling, and twerking on a pole with a class full of women watching takes next-level IDGAF confidence, and I didn’t always feel as sexy as I do now. At 46, I’m finally taking the plunge! Because I know I’m a sexy bitch that only gets better with age.

My first class begins this Thursday. Pray that I don’t plunge head-first into a stripper pole.

Letting God lead in love. Just last week, I deleted the Bumble app and my Facebook Dating account. I felt this intuitive pull to stop trying to meet someone. These dating apps are exhausting and finding love shouldn’t feel this hard. How am I supposed to meet someone if I’m not on a dating app, you may ask? Am I resigning myself to a life of singlehood in a nunnery? Not with these stripper moves, I ain’t. Have you seen me shake my ass on the dance floor?!

Color me faithful, but I have a feeling that God will sort it all out. I will continue living my best life and trust that God will do His part. At this point, a relationship is just the cherry on top of the delicious sundae that is my life.

Writing more and more. I missed sharing my musings with the world, and not just to make money. However, if you want to get me a birthday gift you can purchase my books. My two books, Love Trips, a collection of my relationship stumbles, and The Height of Love: Candi, my first romance novelette, are both available on Amazon.

Family time. My family is scattered across the United States, but that’s no excuse to not make time for them. I’m making it a point this personal New Year to spend more time with my brother in South Carolina, my sister in Pennsylvania, and my cousins in Florida, NYC, and New Jersey.

Staying present. I will strive to remain in the present moment and continue to meditate to enhance this skill.

My ultimate goal for 46 is to continue enjoying my life, to love and embrace myself fully, and to nurture my inner peace, joy, and happiness. I know that what I desire will come to me in due time, including love. In the meantime, I’ll just keep eating my scrumptious sundae sans my cherry.

Thank you for reading! Make sure to subscribe, if you haven’t already, and spread the word by hitting that share button. You can also make my day by leaving a comment and/or hearting this post! It only takes a minute.

Sending love and gratitude to all of you!

xoxo,

Sujeiry

But if I know one thing about my son is that he is not a fan of late nights - or of his momma gyrating. The kid cramps my sexy style!

I was bummed but determined! I said to myself: I am going to see Karol G in concert. It’s decided! 

Prior to 2022, I didn’t know much about Karol G or her music. I knew a song or two, like “Tusa” featuring Nikki Minaj, but I had yet to dive into her discography. When she dropped her single “Provenzia” I had to hear more!

It helped that I found her music the summer that I met a special someone. It was the summer of 2022. Her tunes were always blaring in my car when I drove to meet him for date nights and drove back to my place after spending the night with him. 

Fast forward to September 28, 2023, and, yes, I made it to a Karol G concert. I bought a ticket to see her at Gillette Stadium, booked a hotel room for one (with two beds - how dare they?!), and drove 4 hours to Massachusetts. I had a blast at the concert by myself. Cause I am a lot of fun! And although the drive back was like I was in the middle of Monsoon Season, I would do it all over again.

Lesson here: do what you love even if it’s by yourself. Take a risk even when it’s scary. Life is too short to sit at home wishing you were jamming to “Amargura” when you can actually be jamming to “Amargura.”

Exhibit A!

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Right before midnight on April 16th, 1978 I flashed my behind, opened my mouth, and let out a loud, “What the fuck!” in baby talk. I was literally living my best life, doing backflips and breast strokes in amniotic fluid inside of my mother’s uterus.

I did not want to meet the world. Probably because I sensed I would have a rough and unstable childhood, the number of times I’d be heartbroken, and how much adulting would suck. (I’ve been intuitive since conception!) Mami’s doctor, however, had other plans. And that plan involved induction. For all those who do not know what inducing mean, it’s to:

a: move by persuasion or influence

b: call forth or bring about by influence or stimulation

Trust me when I say (Evan was also induced) that their persuasive tactics did not include waving a white chocolate and almond bar in front of my mother’s cuca. I would have slid right out after just one whiff. They pumped Mami with drugs, as they did me when I had Evan. I was literally forced out. Against my will.

Doctors could not and would not let me be great inside of my comfy home, which I’m sure I decorated with wall art.

I’m not here to shit on gynecologists. They help bring life into this world! What I am saying is that many of us were born traumatically. And I think about that now. At almost 44 years young (in 2 days!), I wonder if how we are born affects our energy and essence and, therefore, our choices.

Would I feel the need to force romantic relationships into existence? Would I initiate change as forcefully as often I do? Would I be as blunt and direct as I am or would I flow easily and softly through life? Would I choose to be in relationships with people that are as hard on me as my birth was on my mother? Would I choose romantic partners that validate my feelings instead of partners that push me to be someone else? Would I still feel that I must do things by a certain timeline or feel like I’ve fallen behind and failed? Would I feel more seen and heard?

I will never know. Because right before midnight on April 16th, 1978, I was brought into this world by force.

What I do know is that my past cannot and will not continue to dictate my future. I am entering 44 fully and authentically myself. I am setting boundaries. Saying no if my intuition nudges me so. Saying yes when my heart and mind align. Shutting the door on past relationships and off-and-on romantic drama. Opening myself to love again when the right man comes along and only when he comes correct. Pursuing my passion for writing in a new way (romance novels!) with a new venture (revealing this is soon!).

And I’m excited. Truly excited for all the change and growth and to know that after all the drama, all the force, all the unrequited love and feelings of unworthiness, I’ve come into my own. At 44, I vow to live life my way even if I sometimes lead by force.

Go Shorty, It’s My Bday!

And I have a wish list :-) A simple BUY LOVE TRIPS request. Yes, in caps. Cause it’s my birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you to those who have already purchased and supported my writing with dinero.

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My niece, Elsie, passed away on March 8, 2021. She would have been 4 years old this Sunday, the 28th. I speak a little bit more about her condition, which led to her young death, in my latest podcast, and how I want her passing to change me in new ways.

I’ve experienced loss multiple times from a young age. It’s become the norm to attend wakes and burials. And because I am a champ at bouncing back, I move on and continue to live my life. They say that’s what you’re supposed to do; after all, life does go on.

This time I don’t want it to go back to normal. I want to take a break, which is why I haven’t written a newsletter in 2 weeks. I want to cherish my private time and my personal life, which is why I went private on Instagram. I want to focus on creative projects that I love.

My point is this: I want to live my life. I want to make memories instead of capturing memories for the ‘Gram. I want to disconnect to connect to myself and my relationship with God. I want to spend as much free time as I have with my son, who is growing up way too fast (almost 5), and my closest friends and family. I want to dance and sing karaoke (when Covid allows). I want to build ties within my community and volunteer to hug and hold babies at my local hospital. I want to put my money where my mouth is and live a life filled with all of these amazing adventures.

So, here’s to moving upward and onward, not just moving on. Here’s to celebrating Elsie’s life every day by doing the things her body didn’t allow her to do.

Help Us Celebrate Elsie

Elsie’s heavenly bday is on March 28! To celebrate her life we ask friends and family to do 4 things this week (March 22 - March 28) for someone else or to take care of themselves (self-care, baby).

So far, I made my steps goal twice this week by walking a total of 6 miles. I launched my second podcast, Reality TV Obsessed, as a fun outlet. Two more things to go! If you want to participate as well, please share images of your 4 things on Facebook and use the hashtag #all4elsie. Thank you The Sandbox for this amazing celebration of Elsie! Also, you can watch a beautiful video of Elsie here.

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A breakdown of all things meeeee, including books, courses, updates, and freebies!

1. Love Trips is available on Amazon. Grab a copy here!

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