This is When My Chanca Flies

Quoting Cartman: Respect my authority.

Welcome to the LOL Mom, my new personal essay series where I share #boymomlifebelike moments. I'll get to tickle your funny bone all while preserving memories. It'll be like our little time capsule. And potentially a way to embarrass Evan in the future when he's old enough. It's a win-win.

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I rarely misbehaved as a child. Much like Evan, I was timid and feisty only when provoked, like when an adult asked me to give them a hug despite my Resting Kid Bitch Face.

I wasn’t malcriada. I’ve just always had boundaries. When I say “no,” I mean no in every sense of the word. I am rarely persuaded. And God help the person who keeps pushing despite my mind being made up. This is when I blow like a helium balloon that’s been out in the heat for too long. This is when my chancla flies across the room - and I rarely miss my target.

Fortunately, Mami has always respected my boundaries. Despite her traditional Dominican values and upbringing, she raised us her way and, I believe, took each of our personalities into account. Sure, she was strict as fuck about boys, sex, dating, and makeup. But different from her Dominican mom counterparts, nonetheless. For example, Mami never told me I had to wait to have sex before marriage.

“Espera a concocer a un muchacho bueno y serio,” she advised.

Translation #1: Don’t give your cookie to a man unless you’re in a committed relationship. (Sorry Ma! That ship has sailed!)

Translation #2: Don’t be a ho.

Read the rest of this story for free on Amazon! It really helps :-) Check it out here.

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A little more sex…

Get your panties in a wad (just like my momma would) by reading my first (and not last) erotic novel, Cocktails and Strategy, starring Clara and Terrance. Below is a snippet (be sure your literate kids ain’t peeking over your shoulder) cause Clara’s a ho - and I’m living vicariously through her!

Clara sauntered over to me with tight lips and her arms crossed. Her lip curled as her eyes scanned my broad shoulders and chest, and stopped right at my dick.

“Hmmm,” she moaned.

I didn’t realize I was hard. Embarrassed, I cupped my dick with my hands.

“No. Let me see.”

I obeyed. I dropped my hands without pause. It was all hers.

Read the first chapter of Cocktails and Strategy here.

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Now, this is where my I use mind control to get you to…

• Laugh with my stories. Unless it’s sad. Then you can laugh-cry.

• Click on all the links in my newsletter, especially those links where I ask you to purchase my books!

• Comment/heart every newsletter. (And I mean EVERY!)

• Share each and every damn newsletter with a friend, your momma, a romantic interest that you want to impress (You: Look! I am so well-read!), and your book club where you drink more wine than read. Just share it, dammit!

And, if you must get to me (I am a famous content creator in my head) you can always hit reply and I might respond. But only if you tell me I’m amazing.

Till we meet again! So, Thursday.

xoxo,

Sujeiry