The Way I Love Myself Has Changed
I stopped seeking external validation and began choosing and loving myself, simply for being me.
I can now say that I inherently love myself. I see my worth and value, and feel a deep sense of self-love, simply because I exist.
I thought I loved myself before this shift, and I did to an extent. I’ve always believed and felt that I am beautiful, witty, playful, emotionally intelligent, optimistic, funny, and a whole lot of fun. I’ve always carried a certain level of confidence. Still, beneath that confidence lived a deep need for validation that I couldn’t shake.
This need made me needy. It made me chase. It made me question everything about myself, my worth, and value whenever I didn’t get the guy or the job.
If a man I wanted didn’t reciprocate those feelings, it felt like a direct hit to my worthiness. I would spiral, asking myself, why won’t he choose me?
When I faced rejection after rejection for staff writer roles, I questioned my creative value.
If a friend didn’t show up for me, I seethed in anger, which was only a mask for my disappointment.
To that old version of me, my external experiences were a measure of my worth. What I didn’t know then, but know now, is that people only reflect what we believe about ourselves and what we believe we deserve.
People are our mirrors. And if my reflection was that of a woman who equated her worthiness with the validation of others, then people could only reject me. I was desperate to be seen, heard, and loved, to feel chosen, worthy, and enough. The pressure was too much for anyone to meet, and even when they tried, I still found holes in their love.
That’s why I now see every connection as a lesson. I’m not bitter, hurt, or angry at past romantic partners and connections who couldn’t give me what I wanted or needed. They simply couldn’t give me the love I craved, even if they wanted to. And even the ones who tried fell short because I questioned my worth despite their choosing me.
Now, I choose myself. I’m so in love with who I am that I no longer need a man or a job to choose me to feel chosen, loved, or accepted. I don’t need a relationship to feel worthy of love and commitment.
Because the way I love myself has changed, I’ve shifted from needing a man’s love to believe I’m lovable, to desiring romantic love as an extension of my own overflowing cup of self-love.
If you'd like to learn more about how this all unfolded, you can find a video on my mindset TikTok.
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I also dive deeper in my solo podcast, Love Sujeiry: Your Daily Dose of Motivation.