From Chasing Love to Loving Myself: My Journey Beyond Latina Carrie Bradshaw

Trading romance columns for reflections on self-love, identity, and growth

I used to be obsessed with psychology. The inner workings of the mind fascinated me, especially when it came to matters of the heart.

Like, why did I gravitate toward unavailable men? Ah, yes, my father’s inconsistency and abandonment.

And why do men with raspy voices drive me wild? Oooh, Papi has a deep, raspy voice—and that definitely triggers something familiar from childhood.

Then there’s my attraction to Puerto Rican men. I’m Dominican, so this one isn’t Papi’s fault. But I did grow up listening to salsa thanks to my Boricua-loving prima hermana. I must have internalized that, because I admired her so much, I wanted to be just like her. So, come on down, Puerto Rican men!

This was my thought process throughout my 20s. Lord, I was always in my head. So naturally, I thought (ha!)—why not become a therapist?

Off I went, ready to apply to social work school. I was just days away from submitting my application when I met up with a college friend.

“I know you’re applying to school for social work, but I saw this and thought about you.” She handed me an advertisement for The Gotham’s Writers' Workshop.

“Didn’t you always want to be a writer?” she said as I flipped the pages of the pamphlet.

“Yeah. I still do. It’s my passion,” I responded.

“Why don’t you take a class this summer for fun?”

That’s exactly what I did. I took a journalism class with Rebecca, a freelance journalist, and fell in love with writing all over again. I was accepted to study social work, but I declined their offer, which cleared the path for me to become a successful freelance writer.

The rest is herstory. From writing my own relationship column to being coined the Latina Carrie Bradshaw to hosting my own show on SiriusXM, I accomplished my writing goals and more.

Transitioning Into a New Identity

But lately, psychology has been calling me back. I keep remembering how fascinated I was with the way people show up in romantic relationships, all rooted in their self-love (or lack thereof). I was so intrigued that I’d end up leading mini therapy sessions at frat parties—right there between the shots and the dancing.

The host's living room couch became my unofficial therapy chair. At every party, women gravitated toward me. Instead of lining up for the bathroom or waiting for the keg, they lined up to talk to me about their relationship drama and struggles with self-worth.

I loved it. My best friend, who hosted the frat parties? Not so much. He eventually forbade me from giving advice to women at his parties. Turns out, once they realized they deserved better, they started breaking up with his frat brothers left and right.

Back to My Old Self in A New Way

So you see, this is who I’ve always been. Even at 25, I was sharing my insights on self-love and reflecting on my own experiences. I was so influential that even while tipsy myself, my conversations with equally inebriated women inspired many of them to look inward and get clear on what they truly wanted and deserved.

I will always be this person: curious and intrigued by how our belief systems shape the way we experience love, what we expect and believe we deserve, and who and what we’re drawn to. I will always dig into why we see ourselves as loving and worthy—or, at times, the opposite.

This is why I’ve returned to being that girl on that living room couch. Only this time, my unofficial therapy couch is this museltter.

I’ve evolved, of course. I’ve learned so much about self-love and how to fill my own cup. I’ve also grown into a woman who values her privacy and isn’t here to tell anyone how to live their life. That means the way I approach speaking and writing about these topics will be different—because I am different.

With that said, I’m putting my research cap on. Back to school I go…metaphorically! I’ll be diving into how our brains work, how our identity shapes our experiences, and how it all influences who we love and why. I’m excited to share what I discover in a fresh way, because the Latina Carrie Bradshaw is part of my past.

Maybe I’ll just call myself the Latina Brené Brown now. Because the truth is, I’m not writing about finding love anymore—I’m writing about being love.