I'm Taking the Pressure Off
I'm Taking the Pressure Off
At almost 43, I've realized that I've carried metaphorical bricks on my back. I want to throw them off. I want to rid myself of the burden of middle age. I want to be free.
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Now let’s get to that damn pressure cooker called mid-life.
I entered middle-aged with metaphorical bricks on my back. The term “middle aged” is daunting enough, even more so when you don’t feel your youth slipping through the cracks. I may not be able to drop it like it’s hot or throw back shots of Don Julio, but I carry the same dreams in my heart that I did at 25.
My dreams are as fanciful as pink cotton candy, but life isn’t always so fluffy. I can’t pay rent with popsicle sticks or hoe myself out on Only Fans because Mami would literally die. And who will pay good money to watch a middle-aged woman attempt to twerk?
Unless there’s a fetish for cellulite and C-section scars that I’m not privy to, I have to put food on the table the good old fashion way: by doing work that I don’t necessarily love.
So, do I continue building my media empire as the Dominican JLo (only with less nargas) or accept life as regular shmegular Joanna Garcia Schmoe and return to work full time? This question is at the crux of my mid-life crisis.
For years, I’ve teetered between, “Fuck it! I’m going to be a full-time creativepreneuer by any means necessary!” and “Fuck it, I’m going to teach for a living because the rent is too damn high and I’m too old for this hustle shit.” Just thinking about it hurts my brain, and my spirit is currently curled up in a ball, rocking herself obsessively while whispering, “Make her stop!”
Don’t worry, soul, I will and I am. I have decided to take the pressure off. My path to creative entrepreneurship/media empire doesn’t have to be black and white. I’m an extremist in many ways and become consumed when I desire something or someone. And although that approach has served me well professionally as the Latina Carrie Bradshaw and a radio personality, I know that I have to let go of my obsession.
So today I begin to pick the bricks off of my back to breathe. I release the fear that I am running out of time and that I have to do it all at once. I strive to find some balance to continue to do what I love as a storyteller and lover of words. It’s who I am as a middle-aged young spirit who can’t help but dream.
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