Kalino Saved the Music and Almost Killed Me
The LOL Mom is my new personal essay series where I share #boymomlifebelike moments.
Welcome to the LOL Mom, my new personal essay series where I share #boymomlifebelike moments. I'll get to tickle your funny bone all while preserving memories. It'll be like our little time capsule. And potentially a way to embarrass Evan in the future when he's old enough. It's a win-win.
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Episode 1: Kalino Saved the Music and Almost Killed Me
I’m lying flat on my stomach on my couch thanks to La Corona. Evan walks over to me and rubs his face on my dirty, knotted hair.
“Mami, can we have a dance party?” he asks.
“Uuuuuuh,” I grunt into my pillow.
My new sectional has been christened with bodily fluids much sooner than I thought. And not the sexy kind of fluids. Thanks to the far-reaching, wide-spreading Omicron, my brand new couch is stained with drool since spending day after day dozing in and out of sleep. I can hardly remember what day it is. But, like Celine would sing if Rose were a single mom co-parenting with Jack in the Titanic, mom life will go on.
“Please, Mami, pleeeeeeeeease!” Evan begs.
His little voice reminds me of Elmo. And who can say no to Elmo?
I lift my head. Strands of black hair stick to my face. I smell. I’m seeing double. And I look like the Lochness Monster. Mom down! Mom down!
I peek at his cute little 4-year-old face, and although he looks like a replica of The Man Formerly Known as The Fiance, I feel a rush of adrenaline. My arms feel sore. My head is pounding. Did I dance the night away at the Copa, chug six Bacardi and Cokes and three Jose Cuervo shots, and drunk dial my ex? Is it 2002? No, I’ve just come down with the ‘Vid like everyone else in America. But I refuse to spend the entire day in a pool of my own saliva. I will not let Omi win!
Love Trips is coming back. I repeat, Love Trips is coming back.
I have so many more personal dating and relationship stories to share. I’ve also healed TONS and feel it is now time to brush off my Latina Carrie Bradshaw crown and get back on my throne where I belong.
My tone will be less “woe-is-me-why-does-love-suck” and more “i’m-a-sexy-dope-ass-Dominican-MILF-who-knows-she-deserves-amazing-love.”
Also, I’m bringing the funny. Lots and lots of funny.
Who’s excited? Meeeeeeeeeeeee! Shoot me a reply if you’re excited too.