Loving Myself Despite My Pencil-Thin Lips
Loving Myself Despite My Pencil-Thin Lips
And that washboard chest that never quite grew in.
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As young as 12 years old, I realized that I didn’t love myself enough. I didn’t have the words to explain how I felt and I surely didn’t understand why, but I was quite aware that I hated my thin lips, my flat-chested chest, and my timid personality. Oh, how I longed to flirt with the boys in class like the rest of my peers. And I really desired their attention even though kissing was the furthest thing from my mind. (Can you hold my clammy hands, though? I hated them too.)
“Why won’t he look at me?” I remember thinking to myself while glancing over at Jairo, my 6th-grade crush. Not only did he ignore me most days, but he also began dating the new girl, Linda, who just so happened to be one of my newest friends at school. Did I mention they made out in class right in front of me?
And yea, Linda became my ex-friend soon after their first make-out session.
It has taken me decades to love myself. With the help of a lot of self-care routines and tools and multiple self-help books, I now know that I am beautiful inside and out. And although I’m still way too hard on myself, I’m learning to take the pressure off. ‘Cause trying to be perfect is fucking exhausting. And impossible. And just not the move. Just like Linda’s betrayal was not the move to win over my friendship.
And yea, I’m still bitter.
So, here’s to finding the inner confidence and strength to love ourselves through rejection and self-hatred. My lips may still be as thin as pencils and my boobs may just be a mouthful, but they're mine all mine.
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