I had a knack for ignoring my intention. It would whisper, it would gnaw at me, it would snap and whimper, and I’d shush her, flick her off, or convince myself she was full of nonsense. I listened to others before her. I entered into romantic relationships and continued platonic friendships despite her pleas. I would have saved myself a world of trouble if I would have listened.

I wouldn’t have gone against my principles and moved in with my ex-fiancé then boyfriend of only 1 year. I desired to be married before shacking up with a man, yet I compromised my beliefs for a “love” that turned toxic.

My intuition always knew this relationship was all wrong for me. She pinched my ass during my third date with my ex-fiancé then boyfriend when he sat me down for a serious conversation. He had concerns that I “talk to much” and feared he would “not feel heard” and then “turn to someone else” to share his feelings. I interpreted his words as constructive criticism and worked hard to be a less talkative, energetic and vibrant woman, and a better listener (a skill that I’ve always wanted to improve) overall. My intuition, however, knew immediately that my ex-fiancé wanted to change me. On that third date she clearly understood that he would be unfaithful if I didn’t become the woman that he wanted.

I didn’t think he was capable of disrespecting me and hurting me in that way. Until he did. He almost broke me when he betrayed me with her. When he constantly stood up for her when she and I had conflict. When he put her before me and practically everyone else in his life.

It turns out, my intuition was right all along. I was just desperate for love and too blinded by a conditional love to realize it.

I don’t regret our relationship. Even now that my ex-fiancé then boyfriend is still with her. Because I have Evan, who is one of the greatest loves of my life. Because I have me, the greatest love of my life. Because I have my relationship with God and he’s guided me and helped me grow through the pain. Because I have my intuition and finally embrace her, fully.

More from Love Sujeiry

Here’s some more stories to dig into, some freebies, and news about what I’m working on:

1. The Before You Post on IG Checklist: I heard the woes of busy mompreneuers and created this 3 min, 3 steps stress less Before You Post on IG checklist. It will help you create a quick Instagram strategy before you post random selfies. Get your digital download for FREE!

2. E-courses coming early 2021: I’m super excited to launch my content creation e-courses in early 2021. I’ve been a digital content creator and writer for over a decade and I am ready to educate womenpreneurs about how to create content that connects to your audience on Instagram and your business blog. If you’re interested in learning about the launch, subscribe to my content creation newsletter.

3. Romance novel update: I just finished writing my hook for the book proposal and I am waiting for my book mentor to provide me with edits. Then I will format it and start on my query letter for literary agents! I have a list already and I am hoping to email agents with all required docs by the end of 2020. It’s right around the corner, but I’m a beast! I am also sharing my book publishing journey on Insta so make sure to follow me there.

4. And then there’s Latina x Love: I’ve added a new digital platform onto my plate cause I’m cray. It will be a newsletter/blog (I may just launch it right here on Substack, to be honest!) for women on all things love, dating, sex and self-love (you know, my forte!). Stay tuned and follow that account on IG for updates!

That’s all for now! Make sure to hit that reply if you like what you read or just want to tell me I’m fabulous to stroke my ego. Betrayed women love that. I’m fine, I’m fine!

One last plea (ok, never last) to join the ride with a full subscription, it helps this single momma pay the rent and pay someone to shovel my snow (damn, blizzard)!

Love Sujeiry is a weekly-ish newsletter on all things Sujeiry, including relationship woes (and hopefully, wins one day!), her self-love journey, and her professional triumphs as a digital content creator, on-air talent, and author.