Welcome new subscribers to Sujeiry on Substack! We are so thrilled to have you here where we amplify Latinx voices and stories. To learn more about us, visit our about page. Now, here is today’s story.

Donning tight pleather leggings, black high-heeled boots and a bright red sweater, I walked into Helen’s New York in the Meatpacking District with my friends, Harper, Viviana, and Luna. With them by my side, I felt cooler than cool because, combined, they possessed the personality traits that I wish I had.

Boys gagged over Harper, a beauty queen with long legs, big breasts, and even bigger confidence; Viviana’s green eyes and soulful conversations penetrated your very core; and Luna’s exuberant laugh and sensual nature made one feel at ease and intrigued all at once.

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Spending nights with them exploring bars in the city, trading dating stories, and celebrating professional wins, felt like my own version of Sex and the City. I became enraptured with my new friend group, temporarily abandoning childhood friends who had married and hunkered down in suburbia. It was the friend group that I always desired, a collective sisterhood of Latina women that related and supported each other. Their feminine energy inspired me while simultaneously intimidating me as I often felt that I didn’t measure up.

I wasn’t seductive, like Harper; my version of sexy was less sultry lioness and more graceless baby horse.

Viviana’s free-spirited nature allowed her to date without attachments; I could barely get out of bed in the morning if a guy that I banged didn’t call me back. And Luna had endless stories of paramours who courted her, wining and dining her with all-expenses paid trips to Europe. I was lucky if a guy didn’t ask me to go halfsies when the dinner bill hit the table.

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I wanted to bottle up each of their secrets and create an elixir to chug like a shot of Fireball. I wanted to feel as desired by men as they were when walking into a room. Because they were we at Helen’s New York, ordering drinks at the bar, and all eyes were on them. I didn’t feel envious of my friends, I didn’t want to take away attention from them. I just wanted to be desired, admired, seen.

And as I leaned against the bar and watched my friends flirt with men, I wished I could receive a little validation. That I too was seductive enough, wild enough, free-spirited enough, sultry enough, intriguing enough…just enough.

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