Say "No" to Get to Your "Yes"
Stop saying yes to the things that you don't want.
I struggle with saying “no” despite being an opinionated and sometimes abrasive communicator. In the words of the great Jay-Z, “I got no patience, and I hate waiting” so I often railroad my way through life, especially when making decisions.
“Yes” forms in my vocal cords, rises from my throat, and slides out of my mouth so easily that I barely have time to ask myself, “Is this what I really want?” If this relationship, this friendship, or this career move feels wrong on an intuitive level, why am I agreeing to it in the first place? Because I fear that saying “no” will lead to inertia, shut doors, and, potentially, a lack of opportunities in love, my career, and finances. It’s like that episode in Sex and the City where Samantha succumbs to dating The Turtle, a charmless Wall street guru that has terrible breath and even cornier pickup lines, after being ditched by a date. Because even sexy and confident AF Samantha feels the brunt of rejection. She settles and decides to transform the Turtle into a man she can commit to and would want to fuck.
So many of us do this, don’t we? Whether we settle in marriage or a romantic partnership or we commit to a job until retirement because we’re too terrified to transition into a new field, we say “yes” when it doesn’t feel right.
And when we say “yes” to people and circumstances that don’t align with who we are and what we desire, we block what is truly meant for us.
Saying “yes” to a man due to loneliness doesn’t allow the right partner to come along because you’re not even available.
Saying “yes” to a job where you work 60 hours a week doesn’t allow you to spend time with your family.
Saying “yes” to a 3-hour work commute impedes you from taking evening walks on the beach, at the park, or even go to Happy Hour.
So, I challenge you (and myself) to dig deep when making decisions. The next time you are asked for a favor or an option arises in your career or personal life, ask yourself: is this what I really want? Does this really align with the life and lifestyle that I ultimately desire? If you feel a kick in your gut like you’re about to give birth to a 9-pound baby, the answer is “no.”
And when you say “no,” say so confidently. Say so knowing that you’re on track to living your life as you see fit. Eventually, you’ll say “yes” to what stirs you and what serves you. In the end, that is always the right answer.
Some more content for ya
Get your fill of all things (self) love, personal development, and dating on LoveSujeiry.
Don’t forget Love Trips
I republished Love Trips in 2019 with some extra juicy stories. If you haven’t read it yet, Love Trips is a collection of stories sharing my relationship stumbles (see: funny dating woes, sexcapades, and drama de telenovela). Here’s an excerpt to give you a taste:
My next brujo was Arnold, a Dominican-Spanish-speaking Haitian recommended by a childhood friend. His spiritual center was located in the Bronx downstairs of an income tax/real estate/cash delivery service. It seemed a bit sketchy, but hey, at least he had an office! As soon as I entered the dark hallway that led to his spiritual center, a tall and slender Dominican woman greeted me. In Spanish, she directed me to take a seat and offered me a cup of water. I politely declined and masked my fear of the unknown with a smile.
Love Trips is still available on Amazon (paperback and Kindle). Grab a copy here!
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