The Perfect Birthday Dinner
I craved something different. Something simpler. Something energetically fulfilling
Birthdays are a big deal to me. They are such a huge deal that I’ve been called a Birthday Diva once or twice…or hundreds of times. That used to bug me. Mostly when I was with my ex-fiance. A quiet, subdued, and non-attention-seeking man by nature, my “it’s my biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirfday” shtick made his skin crawl as much as I cringed when he threw on a cardigan to “dress up” a ‘fit.
This newsletter, however, has nothing to do with my ex or any man for that matter. In April, I turned 46, wondering how I would spend my birthday. Always with Evan, of course; it’s in my custody agreement to spend my Born Day with the boy I gave birth to. But my b-day weekend was up for grabs!
I decided to celebrate my 46th over dinner with two girlfriends. Usually, I have a gaggle of gals with me, but since I’ve evolved into a more present person I crave something different. Something simpler. Something energetically fulfilling. Now, I can still throw down a shot and drop it like it’s hot. I may be more present and zen than ever before, but I’m still me!
Then I did that thing that I do when I make a decision that makes me happy even if it won’t make others happy: I questioned if it was selfish to exclude my other local friends. To me, being called selfish used to be as much of a trigger as seeing my ex with that burgundy or navy blue or black cardigan. But I shook it off. Reminding myself that it was my biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirfday so I should celebrate it as I please. At this point, my birthday is the wedding I’ve never had. I won’t be inviting everyone and their momma when I walk down the aisle no matter what Mami says.
A week later, a (not invited) friend called asking if I had birthday plans. I caved and said yes, inviting her in the process. It wasn’t what I wanted but damn that guilty concious of mine! I would just have to deal with her negative energy despite it being a celebratory occasion. Unless I decided she would cancel somehow.
It could work, I thought. Because when manifesting the desire is enough if we are confident in the belief that we will get what we want. I thought about that for a few minutes, meditating on all the things - my raise and new job title, romantic relationships, working from home - that I’ve manifested my entire life simply by sticking to my desires.
When I didn’t want to return to work at a high school in Queens after The Rona, I didn’t waver. I had enough money saved to ride it out until I found that perfect work-from-home job. I decided that’s what I wanted and it worked out. I’ve been at my current job for 3 years now.
When I met my ex-fiance (aka Cardigan Man) I decided I wanted to move in with him. I had just returned to NYC from Los Angeles and was with my mom again. I planned to move in with one of my close guy friends from high school. We began looking for a place in the city a few days before I went on my first date with Cardigan Man. After our first date, I texted my friend and told him I wanted to hold off on the apartment search. He called me immediately and asked why.
Me: I’m moving in with the guy I just went on a date with.
My friend: But you just met him.
Me: I know. But I’m moving in with him. He’s going to be my man.
My friend: How do you know?
Me: I just know.
My friend thought I was crazy but agreed to find a place for himself. 10 months later, I moved to Long Island with my ex-fiance also known as Cardigan Man.
I share all this to double down on my previous claim: our desire is enough. When we want something and stick to that decision with conviction, we receive it somehow, somewhere. Our job isn’t to stress how or when our desires will manifest. It’s to hold the knowing that we will receive what we want if we believe.
"And all things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive" - Matthew 21:22
I believed I would have the best birthday and that’s exactly what happened. My friend ended up canceling 5 hours before dinner. She caught a case of food poisoning. I felt bad she didn’t feel well while simultaneously realizing what I’d done: manifested the perfect birthday dinner.
Lesson here: the desire is enough. I repeat, the desire is enough.
If you want something, stop stressing or worrying about it. I know, easier said than done. Trust me, I am not that ‘lax about every aspect of my life, but I’m working on it with meditation and journaling. It’s important to find ways to remain present versus dwelling on the past and/or fearing the future and/or overthinking in general.
So, decide. Decide what you want in every area of your life. Write it down. Sit in prayer whether that’s speaking to God, journaling, meditating, or affirming. Acknowledge that you’re fucking powerful. That your mind and thoughts are powerful. That you create your world with your persistent thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions.
Because what you believe you receive.
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