The Photobomber
I was obsessed with taking selfies and my ex resented it.
Welcome to the LOL Mom, my new personal essay series where I share #boymomlifebelike moments. I'll get to tickle your funny bone all while preserving memories. It'll be like our little time capsule. And potentially a way to embarrass Evan in the future when he's old enough. It's a win-win.
I am a Selfie Queen. And I am not ashamed to admit it. I take that back. I used to be highly embarrassed by my love of selfies, especially when I was in a relationship with Evan’s dad.
He is anti-social media. The man has a Facebook profile that has a feed full of photos, gifs, videos, and memes just because he’s been tagged on them. It’s the most inactive profile in the history of Facebook. My profile, on the other hand, could have been in the Guinness Book of World Records for the most popping Facebook feed since Mark Zuckerberg launched the social network from his dorm room at Phillips Academy Exeter.
Fun fact: I graduated from Philips Academy Andover, Exeter’s rival (and better), private school. Oh, how I wonder what would have become of me and my writing career if I had sauntered over to Zuckerberg’s door room when I was cheerleading for an away game on Exter’s campus. If I were as adventurous then as I am now and into white guys (still not a thing for me now), I could have made something of myself instead of begging folks on social media to read my stories, give them a thumbs up, and follow them by clicking on that button right next to the title of my series, The LOL Mom. (See what I did there, Kindle Vella?)
I made different choices. Thank you, Mami, for drilling into my head that I should not be a ho or a golddigger and date men for luuuuuuuurve. Oh, the life I would have lived if I had bagged Zuckerberg or that guy that I graduated with whose father owns Goodyear (yes, the tires and the blimp)!
Another fun fact: I take selfies because I hated taking photos as a kid. In almost every single childhood photo, I am crying. Snot dripping down my nose, eyes bloodshot as if I had chugged tequila like milk, frizzy and out of place moños: I was a vision, truly. So, you see, I must right those wrongs! I must look back at my photos when I am old and gray and say, “I'm so hot!”
So, yeah. I was obsessed with taking selfies and my ex sort of resented it. Unless I was making money off said selfie as an influencer and writer. As a private person, he thinks selfies are vain. But he thought everything about me (which he fell in love with!) was A LOT. What can I say? I’m extra in the best way!
Evan also likes selfies. Mostly photobombing mine. There I go, all dolled up and feeling myself. I pull out my new iPhone 15, which takes amazing long-form selfies. I smile my beautiful smile and just as I press the button Evan comes sliding in from the next room with a photobomb.
Luckily, he’s a cute kid, so our selfies are bomb. And even though I still hide when I take selfies to avoid an Evan photobomb, at least I don’t have to hide so I don’t suffer from one of my ex's eye rolls.
I think it’s sweet that Evan loves me so much that he wants to be in every photo, even when I’m snapping away in my bathroom, hoping for some privacy. I smile as Evan cheeses right next to me and, after inspecting the photo, tells me, “Mami, you’re beautiful.” I laugh when he asks for a redo with funny faces. Because taking a selfie with him may not be a lifelong thing. Because one day he will grow up and move out and not be closeby to photobomb me from the next room. Because these selfies will make for amazing memories that I look back upon when I’m old and gray and I say, “We’re so hot.”
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Till we meet again! So, Thursday.
xoxo,
Sujeiry