The Text That Lit Me Up
I'm as bright as ever.
Two years ago today I made a decision that changed the trajectory of my life. As I drove to work on a cool November morning, I listened to a preaching by T.D. Jakes about embracing the unknown and trusting God and said, “God, please show me the way.”
I arrived at work and I was immediately summonsed by my boss. Once again she pummeled me with work that was completely out of my job title. I walked out of her office and stomped down the long corridor to my office, knowing that I had to leave the position. I had had enough of being taking advantage of and being undervalued.
Irritated, I swung my office door open and plopped myself on my deck chair.
“Buzz!” my phone said. I slid my thumb up the screen and revealed a text from my fiancé.
“We have to talk about how you’re going to contribute more financially.”
Frustrated, my eyes watered. Sick of being told I didn’t do enough, which triggered by feelings of not being enough, I didn’t hold back my feelings for the first time in our 4.5 year relationship.
“I just began working. I need to pay my bills before I can contribute since you never helped me pay anything when I had our son,” I texted angrily. I turned my phone on silent, putting his messages on Do Not Disturb, and shoved my cell phone in my pocket.
Closing my eyes, I knew this was the sign that I asked from God. I knew I had to abandon this relationship. I knew I had to leave a job that underpaid me and that wasn’t aligned with who I was and the talents that God blessed me with since birth.
It was time to be my own woman again, to stop relying on a man and a relationship to define my worth, and to embrace my gifts and my deep-seated desire to be a writer and an entrepreneur again, despite how much my then partner tried stifling my creativity. He hated how unconventional I was, how much I wanted to create for a living, and how - no matter how hard he tried to put me in a box - my passion was too big contain.
It was time. And as I drove back home feeling ready to demolish a relationship that lacked empathy, compassion and love head one, I received another message from God in the form of a whisper: Wait. Get ready.
“Ok,” I replied while driving down Commonwealth Street, “I will wait till I’m stable and can tackle this head one without regrets.”
Two years ago today, I decided. A month later I pulled the plug from my relationship and connected with my true self again. I’ve been lit ever since.