The Things I Cannot Do
Like sex without connection. Or slowing down emotionally when I’m bursting with feelings of like and love.
I can roll my tongue like a tube. I can wind my waist and drop it like it’s hot even at 44. I can talk a mile a minute while simultaneously storing detailed information inside The Vault (my brain). But, there are a lot more things that I cannot do.
Like wrapping my legs around my neck. Or doing the split. Or swimming in deep waters because I feel unsafe when I do not feel the ground underneath me.
Like having sex without connection. Or slowing down emotionally when I’m bursting with feelings of like and love. Or ceasing to fantasize about Eric, creating fanciful scenarios straight out of a romcom.
Like feigning interest in a person or a job. Or pretending that I’m not a hopeless romantic. Or being fake about what I feel because I wear my heart on both sleeves and express all of my feelings through my eyes. Or opening myself to other romantic connections when I already feel so fucking connected.
Yet, here I am doing all the things I never thought I could do:
Like loving effortlessly. And pushing past my fear of getting my heart broken. And believing in the impossible because I make everything possible. And setting boundaries all while sending light. And pouring into Eric and having more than enough to pour into me.
Like flowing. And letting go of romantic attachments. And detaching from an outcome while manifesting said outcome effortlessly. And believing that all things are temporary. And not believing that space somehow equates to my being unworthy.
Like not taking things personally. And knowing my value and worth, yet, not hardening myself when others aren’t valuing me as they should. And loving without conditions, expectations, or timelines.
I can do these things now because my heart is pure love. Because I no longer feel jaded or store past hurts and betrayal within. Because I have ascended spiritually. Because I am light and desire to pour my light onto others. So I do.
I do not hold back out of fear. I do not stop myself from engulfing Eric in my light despite his shadow. I do not shut the door. I do not make his pain about me.
I see past the now. Past the chaos of life. Past the things I could not do because I know now that I can do fucking anything.