Who Do You Think You Are?
Who Do You Think You Are?
After weeks of feeling restless, unfulfilled, and confused, I realized that I've been running away from the very thing I desire.
Who do you think you are? asked the little voice in my head.
She can’t believe that I’ve decided to write and traditionally publish romantic fiction after 16 years as a digital journalist. But I’ve made up my mind. I recently announced it on my podcast after weeks of feeling restless, unfulfilled, and confused. I finally realized that I’ve been running away from the very thing I’ve desired since adolescence because my inner voice might be right.
Who do I think I am?
“I know who I am,” I affirm. “I’m Sujeiry, a 43-year-old single mom and writer with a full-time job who fears rejection.”
Only this time, it’s not a man that I’m longing and peacocking for in hopes that he’ll pick me. I’m afraid to get denied and rejected and to be unaccepted by white folks. Afraid to be dismissed by white book agents, writers, and readers alike as just another Latinx author with (sometimes) bad grammar and a knack for using the passive voice.
Who do I think I am?
I’m still that 12-year-old girl that lost herself in books, the characters and plot lines serving as an escape from my traumatic upbringing. That teenager that typed her first book on a word processor on brown construction paper. That 33-year-old that self-published Love Trips: A Collection of Relationship Stumbles to little fan fair. That 43-year-old that fears it will happen all over again.
And I wonder, what’s stopped me from self-publishing again? I committed and succeeded in becoming the go-to chica for all things love as a writer and on radio, yet I haven’t churned out another book in a decade? I’m a writer, dammit! Books is what writers do.
Who do you think you are? my internal voices asks again, louder now.
My shoulders drop as I stare at a blank page, wondering if she’s right. Can I produce multiple romance novels? Will I get a book agent or should I just self-publish? Will self-publishing ruin my chances at traditionally publishing with a Simon and Schuster and a Penguin Random House and a Harper Collins? Why do I care anyway? Why do I need them and their validation?
Because, as an author, being chosen by white book agents and white publishing houses means that you’ve made it. That I am chosen. That I am seen and heard.
Because feeling invisible and writing into an abyss of nothingness and no oneness is an author’s nightmare.
News! News! News!
I’m switching things up again around here. Instead of sharing links to Lovesujeiry.com, I am sharing my writer’s journey and musings, like I did before. It feels a lot more fulfilling. I hope you enjoy it just the same.
Also, don’t forget to grab some of my goodies, if you haven’t already. I appreciate the support!
Love Trips is still available for purchase. You can grab a kindle or paperback copy on Amazon.
I’m super active again on the ‘Gram. I just can’t quit it! I often post funny reels and stories, and I sometimes burst into song. Follow me on Instagram here.
If you’re into astrology and tarot, I’m doing that over on YouTube. What can I say? I have multiple interests and hate being boxed in. Subscribe to my YouTube channel.
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Thank you!
And now I say, farewell! Thanks again for all the love, especially if you opened your email and actually read this newsletter :-)